Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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