remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
