I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
