So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I need to calm my uterus...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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