I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
