This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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