Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
