Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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