I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
