Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
