he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
