ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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