pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
