Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
