can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
