Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Randomize
