Operation Purity has been aborted
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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