New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
