if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
