i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
