I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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