Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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