Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
