watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize