Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
