I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I understand Curling. That high.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
