Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
