ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's always time for handjobs
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
