Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
