dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
