worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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