How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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