You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
