I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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