do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's blow job season.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
