I'd wear matching sweaters with you
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
