I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
