So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You're like the curious george of whores
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
