Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
