my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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