I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ambien. No doubt about it.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
