But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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