I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
one might say we're banned from that church
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we're making bets on your personal life
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
