just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
