He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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