whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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