Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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