Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
