shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
