update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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