He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
