I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
