before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
