This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
