I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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