Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
