Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize