While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
