I need to stop coming to work sober
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
