i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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