I just cut my nipple shaving
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
