i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize