So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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