I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
